Last week I was shopping with my girlfriend and her brother at
Somerset mall when at one point we found ourselves in front of the Lululemon
Store, one of her favorite places. This place is seen typically as a much more
feminine store in congruence with the products they sell (e.g. yoga apparel,
spandex shorts, leggings, and headbands). The part that struck me was that when
we approached the store and began walking in, her brother became very apprehensive
about coming in with us. I quickly asked him why he wouldn’t come in and he
responded with, “What if someone I knew saw me in there? They’d think I was a fag or something…” After he said this it
got me to start thinking right away as I told him that the store offers
clothing for both sexes. Regardless of all of that, he refused to proceed into
the store just because of the chance of himself being labeled as a “fag”.
In today’s reading, Pascoe points out many of the
homophobias associated with adolescent males. He gives the reader five main
reasons why a boy could be labeled a “fag” in todays society as, “being stupid
or incompetent, dancing, caring to much about clothing, being too emotional, or
expressing interest in other guys” (p. 309). The interesting part to me is that
when a boy today is labeled as a “fag” it is usually put in context of his gender
role and not his sexuality, even if the word’s connotation is meant to describe
a homosexual. Essentially it is taking the entire sexual meaning out of it and
instead making it all about teasing each other on who has a less amount of
masculinity. This was clearly shown in the article when David, a senior at
River High, explained how it was fine to be gay as long as you still showed
some parts of fulfilling the masculine ideal, thinking that being able to throw
a football would be sufficient enough.
After reading this article I can understand some of my
girlfriend’s brothers actions at the mall. Specifically with the topic I’m
talking about, it would obviously be put under the clothing aspect for not
wanting to be seen as a “fag”. According
to the article white boys, just like the brother, are “not supposed to appear
to care about their clothes or appearance because only fags cared about how
they looked” (p. 311). This upsets me that when guys are seen as taking care of
themselves or wearing clothing that could possibly be deemed questionable, that
they are called out and judged for it. In fact, as I was talking to her brother
before we went into the store, I was wearing a pair of shorts I bought from
Lululemon previously with my girlfriend. Personally, they are probably one of
my favorite pairs of shorts and I wear them all the time because they are extremely comfortable. Regardless, this
phenomenon is clearly still prevalent today as he wouldn’t dare to spend a mere
five minutes in a store that would put him at risk as being seen less
masculine.
Although after going over this situation, I realized that
the brother’s actions could have been very similar to mine depending on the
circumstances. To give a counterpoint, if my girlfriend had never introduced me
or showed me around the store I may have had a problem with wanting to go in as
well. In a sense, it allows the guy to give the excuse that the reason he is in
there is for the girl he is with. This brought the question to my head “If I had
no previous knowledge (besides the feminine products) of the store, would I
think about being seen as less masculine or deemed as being a fag?”
Unfortunately I believe my answer would be yes. The thought may have played
around in my head and I probably would’ve just not given any attention to the
store at all. These little loopholes (having a feminine presence)
allow many of us guys to experience new things and may even find them a pair of
their favorite shorts!
Being a woman, I know what it is like to take care of myself. I like to make sure I look good and not like a bum! And personally, I want a man, whether he is my friend or boyfriend, to want to take care of himself too, and more importantly, NOT be ashamed to do so. Many of the men think they are “not supposed to appear to care about their clothes or appearance because only fags cared about how they looked” (p. 311). Wanting to clean up nice, dress well, shave, brush your hair etc. should be a gendered thing. There is a phenomenon for it though, HYGIENE. It is nothing new to us. And wanting to look nice shouldn't be such a gendered role, it should be looked at as neutral. Because guess what? There are women who don't care about their clothes or appearance just like men.
ReplyDeleteThis post reminded me about a conversation I just had with my guy friend about getting a pedicure with me this week, because his feet were looking ROUGH and I was giving him much needed advice! And what did he respond with? "Hell naw, that shit is so gay". I hope you men will get it one day...understand that you can partake in what seems to be more "feminine activities" and still be as masculine of a man as you want to be!
I absolutely agree with your points about how being called a "fag" is deemed as a gender limit and not a sexual one. As Pascoe talks about the labeling of a "fag" is one to police the limits of what is considered "masculine". As she observed in her studies, it is much more socially acceptable to be sexually attracted to the same sex and "masculine" then to be straight and not as "masculine". With that being said your friends brother does not want to be tagged as a "fag" given his sexual orientation does not matter, he feels his masculinity is being questioned by the border of the Lululemon. Personally I believe that men who question doing something that they have a desire to do, with prior thoughts to if it is considered masculine enough to do, are silly. This makes not doing the act in itself less "masculine" if they are that uncomfortable with their masculinity.
ReplyDeleteI too have had similar instances where I have introduced some of my guy friends into situations they were hesitant about how it would reflect on their masculinity. Such as coming to the salon with me and getting their hair cut their instead of a barber. Which at first seemed silly to them and now they are regular costumers. They love the head massages! However in my experience once one guy does it, there is a domino effect. Which is why I am slightly surprised that the brother did still not enter the store after Drew explained what Lululemon was about and went in.
I think that most teenage boys are afraid of being called fags not because it calls their sexuality into question but because it questions their masculinity. This is interesting because the word "fag" is generally used as a derogatory term associated with gay people. Boys these days care too much about what other people in society think of them especially their peers. So if appearing to "caring too much about how they look" or doing things associated with a more feminine way of life they will immediately stop because they do not want to be put into that category.
ReplyDeleteI personally care about how I look and I have been told that I dress well and stay well groomed. I do not think that men should have to worry about being judged simply because they dress well and care about how they look. However, the fact that teens these days do have to worry about being judged or worry about being called a "fag" is a problem in society today.
The concept of a man caring about his appearance and being labeled as a "fag" gave me mixed feelings. I understand that if a male cares about his appearance or whether he wears clean clothes maybe be triggered as "fag or gay" interchangeably by male peers and deemed effeminate, because men are stereotyped to be careless about their cleanliness. On the other had, what is wrong if guy starts to care about his clothes, hygiene, and appearance altogether to impress someone, such as a girl? Or to feel fresh from the fact of wear clean clothes? Imagine days on end without access to washed apparels, I am sure no one will agree to that.
ReplyDeleteHygiene and dressing decently in particular effects everyone, such as the workplace, school, going out with friends, or asking out someone attractive/intelligent. First impressions and keeping up the reputation of good looks and collectively good hygiene is a plus in associating with people, it also plays a role in getting hired for a job. I believe it is acceptable for me to care about their looks altogether.
Then again, some men feel awkward walking into stores where majority of the shoppers are females. I remember my guy friend made a joke, "I'll go into the store Victoria's secret with you, then guys will think I'm shopping for my girlfriend." He said this to protect his masculinity and the fact that he didn't want to be seen at Forever 21 with the rest of us girls. He felt as if men shouldn't walk into stores dominated by girl customers, unless there was a reason to such as shopping with a girlfriend.
I find the posts by Christiana, Jessica and Twani interesting, because they were all situations whereby the guys they were with did not want to be labeled as fags simply by the action of walking into a store. Ferguson describes the fluidity of this term and how boys at one point in time may be called a fag. She argues that the way to move past this is to call in question another boy’s masculinity. Boys never want to remain labeled as a fag for too long. This is perhaps because being called a fag sometimes is interchangeable with the word ‘idiot’ however, after that there masculinity is called into question for too long. I think that while fag has become interchangeable with 'incompetence' and can be used is ‘joking’ circumstances, measures are needed to ensure that boys who are threateningly targeted should be protected. The boys in some high schools may develop thick skins to such attacks, but some may not feel secure in such environments. This could result in boys dropping out of the school as with the case of Ricky in Ferguson’s case. I think Ferguson has carried out interesting research that helps to understand relations among High School boys. It helps to identify the word ‘fag’ not only when used in certain contexts but also when used inappropriately out of it.
ReplyDelete