For as long as I can remember, each
family holiday consisted of food, laughs, and my grandfather reminiscing about
the good, old days when life was superior in quality, and families were
stronger, more cohesive, and exemplified the “ideal traditional family”. He is referring to the typical 1950’s family
when the male breadwinners were head of the household, and the women maintained
the homes, tended to the children, and doted on the husbands. Of course, they had to do this all while
looking beautiful, and still having passion for their husbands. However, this family model kept gender roles
from changing and prevented women from reaching their potential after returning
home from the workforce after the husbands came home from war. This structure was never destined to prevail,
because women has already seen a glimpse of the working world outside the home,
and would subsequently alter the gender roles in the years to come. As Coontz so eloquently phrases it, “like most
visions of a ‘golden age’, the ‘traditional family’ my students describe
evaporates on closer examination. It is
a historical amalgam of structure values, and behaviors that never coexisted in
the same time and place”.
Each historical
era..each family model presented its own set of strengths, weaknesses,
successes, and also failures. It is
imperative to consider the structural system in order to gain a clearer sense
of the family dynamic. The most prominent
structure providing insight into the family life is the institution of marriage. Our society’s concept of what marriage is,
and what is should be is ever changing. The
social norms evolving is what Cherlin refers to as a “deinstitutionalization of
marriage”. She sheds light on the
reasons for marriage disintegrating, including cohabitation, same sex marriage,
changing labor roles, and having children outside of marriage
pervasiveness.
The
institution of marriage is becoming as the gender roles are more and more
equitable. In the past generations,
particularly until the 1960s and 1970s, a woman needed marriage to be a
successful member of society. She was
raised to learn the skills of homemaking, and required a husband to provide
financially and also in terms of prestige.
Today, this could not be farther from applicable. Women are gaining more power and influence in
the corporate world and in professions outside the home. They are acutely feeling the need to better
themselves and find their self-identities before seeking marriage. Therefore, marriage is taking a seat on the
back burner and people are getting married at older ages than ever seen before. Cherlin labels this change a shift from “companionate
marriages” to “individualized marriages”.
Both
men and women are typically developing their sense of self before looking for
lifetime partners. I believe it is more
socially acceptable to be a single adult/single parent now than any other time
in history. When fifty percent of
marriages result in divorce, it is impossible for this not to create a sense of
“normalcy” in society. The influx of
divorce rates does not appear to be the result of increased promiscuity, but I
believe is because the social structure is transforming and divorce is becoming
more feasible. Couples can now voice
their feelings of discontent without the fear of being socially ostracized. People now feel a sense of entitlement to
get out of unhappy, arduous relationships, whereas many married couples
stayed together in the past because it remained the unspoken normal way society
functioned.
Our
concept of an ideal family is historically contingent. What does an ideal family even consist of? Well,
it depends on the timeframe to which you are referring. In theory, an ideal family should simply be
one with parents providing a steady affluent income, safety, necessities of
life, education, and love to the children.
It should be one that allows its members to thrive and prosper, but in
reality the social structure and norms dictate the concept of family. It will be interesting to see how the
institution of marriage changes into the future. As Coontz point out in the video, marriage is
not necessary for making major life decisions (having children, buying
homes..etc..) or for obligations or commitments to ensue. If the concept of marriage has already morphed
so vastly since the 1950s..then where will it stand fifty years from now?
It is interesting to think about what getting married entails 50 years from now. The institution of marriage has already changed so much that one can only imagine what will happen. Marriage is in fact becoming deinstitutionalized shaped by social norms as Cherlin says. The question is why?
ReplyDeleteCherlin further writes about some factors that contribute to this trend. Cohabitation, divorce, and the division of labor between sexes are some of those factors. As these factors continue to affect marriage then I think that changes the institution of marriage also. What the ideal family is 50 years ago, what it is now, and what it will be in 50 years is and will be inevitably different.
I agree the change in norms of marriage has come from the equalizing of gender roles in society. As both females and males can become more equally successful in any industry of work also bares the addition of more competition. What I mean by this is that as more people enter the workforce with the same goals, there are more applicants then position. My point is that marriage can be seen as a distractor in todays world, which is why it might be taking place (on average) later in a persons life then before. As we talked about several classes back, women and men may see marriage as an institution that would get in their way of excelling in their work environment. Even though the articles said mothers and couples would give up work days in order to be with their family, I am convinced the higher you get on a the corporate ladder the actually decline of marriage from the previous years will increase.
ReplyDeleteYou made a lot of viable and interesting points in your blog post. I definitely can agree with the idea that the importance of marriage has changed drastically, and it will definitely continue to change throughout the future generations. However I also still believe that many people still value the concept of marriage and see it as a very important and prominent feature for their future. The fact that our country has a wide variety of opinions and views definitely has an impact on the way marriage is seen in our country. I personally can say being sexually active out of marriage is becoming a norm throughout our society, since the rates of sexual intimacy and childbearing outside of marriage has increased. I also believe that people are starting to find their own ways to manage their relationships without being legally bound to each other.
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting that Coontz points out "our emotional expectations has to catchup with marriage" because I come from a family where mentioning divorce and having children before marrying someone based on sacred/religious terms is taboo. I also have expectations for my own future and believe that divorce should not be an option for me. I want to live a happily married life, with a loving husband as most people do. I have strong emotions linked to the idea of wedlock and believe that my profession, domestic skills, (in the future) being a wife, mother, or power should not be a reason for divorce. The fact of divorce rate increasing scares me because of my strong emotions.
ReplyDeleteSocial norms of marriage is allowing people to become more liberal and flexible. People have the option to decide when to marry and can opt out of a marriage if not satisfied without being looked down upon as mentioned by Kira. When I think of divorce, I believe that it is a way of leaving an abusive partner, which is a good thing. Abuse was common in relationships that partners could not quit because society did not accept it back then. Now that the marriage institution is evolving, divorce is feasible not only for abusive relationships but also for other reasons.
I believe I, along with almost everyone else here, can agree that recently marriage has been getting as Twani said, "more liberal and flexible" in today's society. Besides the common attitude about getting a divorce changing from the past, there are also many outside factors that go into play with why the rate of marriage is declining. Regarding the article from The Atlantic, things such as welfare payments for single mothers, no-fault divorce, and tax penalties on marriage also play a large role in the entire spectrum as well. Also I agree with Nathan's comment in how it can be seen as "a distractor" in the workforce today, and that it can be tied into being apart of "the culture" that we all live in. Hopefully in my future I will be lucky to find someone who I am able to have a strong and lasting relationship because I too come from a family with divorced parents and to be honest it can be a real pain at times. In the end, I hope that the marriage rates being to rise but we all know that people will want to do whatever they want to make themselves happy and this could be one of those ways.
ReplyDeleteThe question you posed at the end of your blog post was a great one: "If the concept of marriage has already morphed so vastly since the 1950s..then where will it stand fifty years from now?" It surely made me think, simply because I never realized just how much marriage was viewed and and practiced in the 1950s and 1960s until reading it in this class.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I don't think it is good nor bad that women are starting to marry at a younger age. To me, it just means that women are starting to focus on getting a career and being successful instead of only depending on a man to do that for them. I think it is a great trait for us women. And I love what Coontz said in the video, "you can no longer assume that married couple households are going to be the main places where people make the major life decisions, whether that's entering into becoming sexually active, buying a house, entering a long-term relationship..." It is true. We as a society are moving away from that "typical" marriage setup. It just gives us more of a variety, so that people don't have to feel out of place for not following the cultural norm.